Tuesday, 12 May 2009

Reheated leftovers

British Foghorn has been noting with interest the re-make of Reggie Perrin, with the addition of Martin Clunes but minus Leonard Rossiter, the jokes and ANY REDEEMING FEATURES.

Still, we're more than capable of spotting a bandwagon steaming into town when we see one, so we are pleased to announce that British Foghorn TV has acquired the rights to 'Allo 'Allo 2020.
Set in a technologically advanced French future-scape, Rene still runs a small cafe but is now a cyborg who gets into trouble with his washing machine-wife by having affairs with the microwave and the electronic mince grinder. However, instead of Nazis, Rene has to deal with EU bureaucrats ensuring his cucumbers are straight and his Frankfurters were made in Frankfurt. Will Rene's allegiance to the Metric Resistance be uncovered? Will his bendy bananas get him into trouble? Does anyone care?

A taster of the upcoming series follows:

Microwave: Ping! Plug me in Rene! I want you.
Rene R2: There's no time for that now. The Euro bureaucrats are coming round - we 'ave to 'ide our huge consignment of French bratwurst and Belgian Parma ham! Oh, but I can't resist you! It's electric when we get together!
Enter Rene's wife (an old washing machine)
Rene's wife: Rene! What are you doing with that microwave?!!!
Rene R2: You stupid washing machine! Can't you see that this poor microwave is clearly in a state of neglect, so I was cleaning its inside with my frontal cleaning antennae!
Rene's wife: Oh Rene! How did I ever doubt you?
Rene hugs his wife.
(Audience: Aaaaah!)

Microwave: Ping!
(Audience laugh)

Enter Arthur Bostrom

AB: Good moaning.
Rene (to camera): That's the last thing I need.
AB: I have hoord that the inspocters have had a top off about your street bononos.
Rene's wife: What?
Rene: Oh, he means the straight bananas. As if I didn't 'ave enough problems.

Enter Mr. Berterelli (Italian EU bureaucrat) .
Rene: Oh no!
Mario: Ehhhhh! What a sexy washing machine. I lika your bigga tub!
Rene: Oh please, take her.
Mario (to Rene's wife): I've hearda you've been a-selling suspecta sausages. Maybe I mighta turna blind eye if we can come to some a-sorta of arrangement, if you know what I meana!
Rene's wife: Oh Mario!
Washing machine suddenly sets off on spin cycle.
Rene (to camera): Makes you sick, doesn't it? Sometime I'm glad I'm a cyborg.

'Allo 'Allo 2020 hits Foghorn TV in the Summer, along with Fawlty Travelodge, This Really Is The Last Of The Summer Wine, and Whatever Happened To Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads?.

1 comment:

  1. I suppose we should be thankful that nobody has suggested a futuristic makeover for "On the buses".

    (Oops, that's torn it)