Theatre

Recently, Mrs Enid Frochs' new play "Birth, Death & Three Litres of Cooking Oil" opened in the Donmar Warehouse, as part of their new season of previously un-performed plays, by writers with little previous experience or talent. Reviewing the play for the BFC is Michael Groat.

Death, Birth & Three Litres of Cooking Oil is the story of one woman's love for a large patch of yellowy-brown liquid. Sub-plots interwoven into the piece show her being born and dying, following her ultimate drinking of the three litres of cooking oil.

The lead role, the patch of yellowy-brown liquid (later to be revealed as the cooking oil in a fugue state), was miscast. The drunken vicar playing the patch missed cues, made unscheduled appearances and kept telling the audience the number of the next hymn.

The woman was also miscast. The shock decision to replace Dame Judi Dench with a stoat caused many unsettled murmurs from the audience of, 'who likes a sailor then?'.

All in all a wonderful evening! Except for the play. I enjoyed the meal and the sex.

* Michael Groat is the theatre critic for the British Foghorn Company. He'd like to be more positive, but has been a little upset since being snubbed by Emma Thompson. In 1983.