Aries – The bible says “The Lion shall lay down with the Lamb”. The stars predict that in this scenario you are the Lamb and the Lion is a Lion.
Taurus – Expect a windfall this week. You will fall over in the wind.
Gemini – An old friend makes an unexpected appearance this week, at your window while you are trying to sleep.
Cancer – The stars suggest that exercise, a balanced and a little of what you fancy will do you good. The stars. They figured it out. THEY DID.
Leo – Try to put aside some time for your home life. Try between 5 PM and 8.30 AM weekdays and all weekend.
Virgo – Love is very important. Love for your partner, love for your family but also love for yourself. Please remember to try not to love yourself too vigorously in public parks or swimming baths.
Libra – Decisions at work will make life easier for you, as long as that decision is to build a nest beneath your desk, out of your own hair, and shelter there until the nice people make it all go away.
Scorpio – You know you’re well regarded and that people really value your opinion. Consider carefully what you say to them today. “Eat it with a fork” will not be the answer they are all looking for.
Sagittarius – PO Box 13, Ashford, Kent. Send £25 immediately for an answer on why, no matter what brand of deodorant you buy, you still smell like Ham.
Capricorn – Relationships are complicated, or maybe they aren’t. You’ll realise today, or tomorrow, that someone or something is possibly going to make you an offer you can or can’t refuse.
Aquarius – Don’t let it continue, Aquarius. Make them pay. Make them all pay.
Pisces – It’s easy to neglect what is important to you on a day to day basis. The stars have revealed that for Pisces this week, a long hot bath, followed by hours of lonely crying in the corner of the bathroom will help you to find the answers you seek.